How to handle job seeking rejection hell!
If you can't tell this is pure fiction and done for some fun :-)
With that out of the way, enjoy!
Over the last 9 months I've been search for a new role and around 90% of the time I just get this type of automated response back.
Thank you for applying to the PHP Developer
position at Some Company.
Unfortunately, Some Company has moved to
the next step in their hiring process,
and your application was not selected at
It's really tough to deal with let me tell you!
But fear not, God has a plan for you and things will work out in the end. They always do :-)
Let's find out how Mike can help you deal with that rejection with some simple tips and techniques!
Find yourself a nice piece of chocolate growing outside. They are normally located low to the ground and growing on path ways.
You can of course make it yourself but I prefer to use Datwoof chocolate myself, it's just easier to find and is more rich in flavour and smell.
If you find the chocolate has dried out, boil some hot water and add it carefully to the chocolate. Make sure not to make it to watery you want that nice soft texture.
Now package that up in a box. Use an old Amazon box people, recycling is good for the environment and we all have those boxes lying around.
Pay special attention to the way you package it up. You want to hide the chocolate from the person opening said box so that they touch it before realising what it is.
It's just a great way to surprise them and they'll laugh and laugh about it for days!
If you find the smell will give away the surprise, disguise it with something else. I hear coffee is good for this. Hell it worked for my Columbian mate!
Don't forget to label the box with the person's name so that it'll go direct to them, and post it off.
Then sit back and wait for the thank you's to flood in!
#2 Let out that frustration!
If you haven't heard of it before it's called Scream Therapy and it really really does work!
The idea behind it is to let all that rage and frustration out in a powerful scream.
Most people use a pillow or a cushion, me personally I walk around the shops looking for that one kid screaming wanting some sweets or that toy and the mother is just trying to reason with with the them.
I walk up to the kid and just let all that rage and frustration out! And with in about 2 mins you'll be feeling on top of the world let me tell you :-)
Some tips when using this technique:
* Be prepared for the mother's reaction. Some get it and will thank you, but others just don't know the technique and may get frustrated themselves at you.
* It's not uncommon that those who are against this technique to be working in the store you and you may be asked to leave. So make sure you get that scream out quick and fast.
* Warm those vocal chords up beforehand. I recommend lemon tea and some vocal warm-ups, Me Me Me, you get the idea.
#3 98th Rule of Acquisition...
Let's face it, they aren't even reading the CV or your just a clone copy of the next man. So make it more of an incentive to choose you.
Slip them some gold pressed latinum always works for the Ferengi in Star Trek and it can work for you, trust me.
If they are worried about being caught out, no probs, your into cryto, kick them an annoymous payment.
They are always offering you vouchers for referals so use those ones they never sent you that time and give them back.
Once they've taken the payment...blackmail the crap out of them!
A successful Ferengi is allowed to bribe their way into the Divine Treasury
This shows initiative and will certainly get you noticed in a big way :-)
If you'd like to share your techniques on handling the rejections, drop me a line as I'd love to hear about new ways to help and I might even share them here.Share with me